Buddhist Concept of Love

The term ‘Love’ has a great significance in Buddhism. “When the Buddha’s disciple Ananda suggested to him that half of the teaching of the Buddha consisted in the practice of loving kindness, the Buddha said it was not half, but the whole of his teaching.” On the basis of love, the Buddha suggested the highest ways of life (Brahma vihara), or Sublime States – ‘Metta’ or Love (skt. ‘maitri’), ‘Karuna’ or compassion, ‘Mudita’ or Sympathetic joy, and ‘Upekkha’ or Equanimity (upeksha in skt.). For a little explanation, these are “extending unlimited, universal love and good will (metta) to all living beings; compassion (Karuna) for all living beings who are suffering in trouble and need help; sympathetic joy (mudita) in others’ success, welfare and happiness; and equanimity (upekha) in all vicissitudes of life.” In fact, the practice of the highest life is that of the sublime beings who live a life of these Sublime States. So, we see that the word love has got a vaster meaning and significance in Buddhism.   

Metta suggests non-attachment to anyone and friendship without sensual affection. There is a distinction between ‘metta’ or loving kindness and ‘pema’ or personal affection. Metta is an emotion related to impersonal detachment while pema is an exclusive affection. However, “The Buddha’s boundless love extended not only to human beings, but to all living creatures.” “If the feeling of love is the direct result of attachment and clinging, then it really is not ‘metta’.” (Buddhist Meditation)

Metta is an essential part of the Middle path in the teaching of the Buddha. It seeks to eliminate the three roots of evil, greed (lobha), hatred (dosa) and illusion (moha). Metta plays a significant role in the development of moral discipline (sila), meditation (samadhi), and wisdom (panna), which lead the follower to the ultimate goal of seeing things as they really are.”

Anger is opposite to ‘metta’. One must cultivate patience in him. For example, once an ascetic named Khantivadi was staying in a grove of Benares. But the cruel king grew angry with him and asked what he was teaching. The ascetic answered “I teach the value of patience.” As the proof of his patience, the king, at first had him flogged with scourges of thorns and later his hands and feet cut off. Even at this the ascetic did not feel the slightest anger.

“The way to develop Love is through thinking out of evils of hate, and the advantages of nor-hate; through thinking out according to actuality, according to ‘karma’, that really there is none to hate, that there is a foolish way of feeling which breeds more and more darkness that obstructs right understanding.”  Because hatred shuts all the doors of love.

‘Karuna’ is defined as: ‘the quality which makes the heart of the good man tremble and quiver at the distress of others.’ ‘The quality that rouses tender feelings in the good man at the sight of the others suffering.’ A selfish man can not cultivate compassion or Karuna. Actually, removing Karuma from the teaching of Buddha means removing the heart of Buddhism. Because it is the basis and matrix of Buddhism.

In this context, we can mention a story regarding Buddha’s compassion. A new fellow known as Tissa entered the order of Buddha. But after a time he fell sick. “First small pustules broke out on his body, gradually becoming bigger and bursting, developing into ulcers.” His fellow monks abandoned him but the Buddha himself took care of his body. After his recovery, Buddha explained his doctrine to him and he listened. At last Tissa attained the highest stage of sainthood and passed away.

“The third sublime state is sympathetic joy or appreciative joy (mudita). It is the wholesome attitude of rejoicing in the happiness and virtues of others. Sympathetic joy sees prosperous conditions of others, welcomes the happiness of fellow people.”

Jealousy is the direct enemy of Mudita. It is usual that we often feel jealous seeing others happiness but feel happy seeing others suffering. So it must be removed to get the highest ways of life.

“Seeing a starving man, we offer him food out of compassion (Karuna) when we see that he has eaten, that his hanger has eased, and that he feels happy, then we too feel happy and pleased. Such selfless action really brings us unalloyed joy, sympathetic joy (mudita)”.

“The fourth state is that of equanimity (upekkha). When we achieve it we see all sentient beings as equals. In order to do so, one has to keep in mind that one’s particular relationship with one’s relatives, friends, and even enemies is the result of previous Karma. Therefore one should not cling to relatives and friends while regarding others with indifference.

“Each of the four sublime states addresses different ills, and helps one further along the point; loving kindness eradicates ill will and anger (dosa). Compassion eradicates craving and worldly attachment. Sympathetic joy eradicates jealousy and makes people less self- centered, and equanimity eradicates clinging and aversion (moha)” “As all of the Buddha’s teachings, the practices lead to personal growth and enhance the growth of all beings. Living in the world involves suffering; the four sublime states are the effort to relieve the suffering of others while growing one. As they are way to the end of suffering and the highest happiness, we can truly say that the four sublime states are love.”    

Reference

‘Love in Buddhism’ by Walpela Piyananda Thera,

‘Buddhist Meditation’ by Piyadassi Thera